Kelsey Jumps

I'm going to share something on the personal side.  This is an excerpt from my journal entry on the day I filed for divorce. I guess as a preface I should tell you this.  For weeks before I filed, people would ask me how I was doing, and the only way I could describe it would be to say that I had that same feeling people get before they go skydiving.  I had made my decision, I knew it was going to happen, but it's like I would look out the window, see how high up I was, and then proceed to hyperventilate.  So anyway, here's what I wrote that morning...

"I feel like I'm sort of headed into unchartered waters.  I have my goal (happiness and progression) and I know I have the best guide to get me where I need to be.  I'm sitting here at the temple, feeling like I'm waiting to jump out of a plane.  Parachute is strapped on.  Guide saying, "ready?  Just say the word!" I'm going to do it.  I mean, skydiving is terrifying- it stresses out the mind and body and spirit.  But then you jump and it's freeing.  It gives you an experience different from anything you've ever known.  And then you realize the fear that came with the jump only made the result that much sweeter."

"Holy cow I'm going to be okay!  I CAN do this and I CAN start my life.  I can free myself from a halted state and I can go progress with the Lord. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

I also have a new desire to go skydiving.  The literal kind, not just metaphorically."

So, when I sold my wedding dress a few weeks ago, I knew what I needed to do.  Jump out of a plane.  Enjoy the slide show. 

So there you have it!  I jumped out of a plane.  At 13,000 feet above the ground.  I was in free fall for almost two miles.  Higher than cities, above the mountains and the clouds. I literally was flying.  And some side notes:

1. If you choose to go skydiving, take your motion sickness pills.  I was sick for a good 5 hours after my jump and was incredibly mad because it was killing the symbolism of it.  I was supposed to come off the jump like a new tough woman, and I had to go home and go straight to bed.  How lame.
2. Let's parallel that with my real life situation.  Yes, I think a little (ok, huge) part of me hoped that once the divorce was final, that was it.  I'm new, life is new, that was that, now I'm tough and healed and life is perfect.  Eh, not so, my friends.  While I am grateful for this new opportunity, it did not grant me a magic golden ticket that healed all my everything.  It's still a process.
3. I only wish the camera guy had spent less time filming me, and more time filming my dad.  THAT was the real show.  If you've ever seen his zipline video, you know what I mean.  If you haven't, just trust me.  You will never see Dad jump out of a plane.  He almost peed his pants when he saw how high up I was jumping from. 
4. A few daring friends offered to jump with me.  I declined the offers because I just felt like I had to do this alone.  I brought my story full circle.  I sure did.
5. One of my friends told me to leave my shell (all the crap tied to the divorce) on the plane.  Aunt Mel told me to scream out everything I had left in me on the way down.  It's like a purging of emotions.  A deep, cleansing breath.

So....that's it!  I did it!  I've been telling myself lately that I'm done missing opportunities.  I find that I often wait just long enough to talk myself out of doing things.  NO MORE. Take the opportunities you're given, Kels.  Jump out of the plane.