2013 = Really good year.
Remember how I said I felt like good things were coming? I was right. Stay tuned.
It's been almost 18 months since my divorce has been final. And through
every one of those months I have been trying to get over it. "over"
it. Like that's a thing. Is divorce something you ever really get
"over?"
I've learned something about life's issues: just pushing them aside
will not get you "over" them. Not permanently. So there's been this
tiny little issue I've been needing to work through since all of this
happened. Stupid forgiveness. You guys. It's hard. It has been a
challenge. So many times over the last 18 months I would picture what
it would be like if I ran into my ex again. What would I do? You want
the truth? Generally I pictured the scene like that ending scene on
What Happens In Vegas (um, a solid punch where it counts followed by
"you know why......" here's the link if you really want to know...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MlNbZ1EAaM). Okay, haven't had the best
of feelings towards him since that mess started.
But I thought about another scene a little bit ago: instead of
imagining just me and my ex in a room, I imagined what it would be like
if the Savior also joined us. Totally different scene. Christ would
have said something like "Kels. I know you hurt. I know mistakes were
made. But guess what? You don't have to suffer. I already did that
for you. This is taken care of and my grace is sufficient for both of
you." That image in my mind was motivation enough for change to take
place in my heart.
I don't know if I can adequately describe the way the atonement has
worked in my life. I don't fully understand how the feelings of
hostility that I've had towards my ex can be gone now. All I can say is
that I know the pains I have suffered and the wrongs I experienced in
my marriage are not mine to cling to anymore. It's freeing. It allows
me to be able to look to my future and not to my past. I exchanged
emails with my ex a few weeks ago. It was something I have intended to
do for a while, but something I didn't want to do until I could
sincerely and genuinely express feelings of forgiveness to him. What an
opportunity of closure. He has made progress just like I have. When
we let it, the atonement heals us. God puts our lives back in order and
helps us push forward. The experience I had in my marriage and my
divorce will never be totally erased. It has changed me. But it will
not define me. I have had so much support from special people
throughout this process. You know who you are. Thank you. I love
you.
So in honor of all of your support and love, I've got a future to
go get.
I cried.
ReplyDeleteI'm always crying but this got me good.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Go get that future that you deserve! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteAgain, you are just amazing! Way to be the example for the rest of us. And, yes, I will be tuned in to hear about the good things coming. (Maybe I talked to Courtney, maybe I didn't...)
ReplyDeletewow, what a personal and sacred post. thanks so much for sharing! your words were things i needed to be reminded of. thank you!
ReplyDeleteIt seems whenever I say your name, I use the word amazing in the same sentence. Love it! And love you. I think you're pretty great!
ReplyDeleteKels, I love you so much. You are incredible in so many ways. I admire your strength, faith, diligence, and obedience to our Father in Heaven. I know that life has been challenging for you over the past few years, but I promise you it will only get better from here as you continue to follow Him.
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU KELS!
A) This was an amazing post. You are amazing. B) I love you. C) Look at how many people think you rock? I think we can all collectively say how lucky we are to have you in our lives. Love you sister
ReplyDeleteLove my sweet friends. Thanks for all of your nice words. Couldn't be here without each of you.
ReplyDeleteKelsey...I am humbled by your comments. They serve as a valuable lesson to ALL who have the need to forgive...for every reason! Thanks for being brave enough to post such beautiful, personal thoughts and learnings. Love to you always and all ways. - Aunt Karen
ReplyDeleteKelsey -
ReplyDeleteYou are pretty much amazing. I have loved how honestly you've shared your thoughts and feelings and look forward to everything you write with that sharp wit of yours!